“I love my life every time I’m with you… there’s nothing I won’t do to make you happy, there’s nothing I won’t do to make you smile girl…” I kept singing to her as she swayed her tiny hips from side to side. She loved it when I sang that song to her. A million dollar smile was plastered on her face. I loved making her smile. Her chuckles had their way of making my day. Come to think about it, she was the best thing that happened to me.
Troian Tessy Mor. My little sunshine. My constant source of happiness. Each time I looked at her I couldn’t help but remember what I went through for her sake. The many battles I pushed myself to win just for her to have a better shot at life. The nights I cried myself to sleep. My little bundle of joy.
When I was knocked up by the ‘village idiot’ as my mother constantly refered to him, I knew he neither had the courage nor the means to raise a kid. I managed to keep it a secret for the first three months but my mother took a look at me one day and joked, “You look pregnant Lily. Thank God you’re not as stupid as those young girls who mess up their lives.” At that point I realised that I had just lost my mother. How could I even tell her after that comment? I had ashamed the family. My mother had worked so hard to make sure we lived a better life. She had me when she was a teenager and she had always warned my sisters and I about playing around with the ‘village idiots’.
My ‘village idiot’. Well, he was one of a kind. He was my first. I never could see myself with anyone else but him. He’d given me a taste of love and each time he increased the dosage I just couldn’t resist. I became an addict that was going to do anything, including eloping, for my idiot. When he began getting intimate, he did it in doses. Honestly, he played it well. He always left me wanting more and more from him. It became hard to mix him and anything else. My world suddenly began to revolve around him. Before I knew it, I had a bun cooking in my oven.
I still remember my mother’s words when she found out about the pregnancy,
You are a disgrace to this a family Lily. A big disgrace. A shame. I raised you better than this. Lily you are way better than this. I took my time to tell you about me but you ignored me and walked right into the same hole I walked into when I was your age. Lily what is it you lacked? Huh? Tell me where I went wrong as a mother. Didn’t I love you enough? Didn’t I provide all you needed. Why Lily?
That was the day I walked out of home and never looked back. You can guess my next destination was my boyfriend’s place but I wasn’t welcome there too. I had no choice but the shelter. I walked long distances trying to find a shelter that would take me in just for a place to lay my head. I made some friends among the street kids; God knew I needed it. They made it their personal mission to take care of me. My elder brother tried several times to pull me from the streets but I kept refusing. Surprisingly I just fit in with them more. He’d send me some money each month to cover my expenses at the shelter. There were times I wished my mother were there to help me out and just be with me. Sometimes I just cried and sang myself to sleep. She had always been my shoulder. She had been all I had but life had just ‘happened’ to me and another life was growing inside me, I had to be strong.
Sunday 31st March 2013 at exactly half past noon, Mor was born. I remember the pains during the night and I remember my friends hustling to take me to a hospital but the next thing I remember after that is seeing the beautiful face of my baby girl when I woke up. She had been born through caesarean section, which made her all the more special. Surrounding me were my friends from the shelter. Somehow in my twisted mind I kept thinking that maybe when I gave birth my mother and siblings would be there for me but no, it was just my God-given family.
Troian; I named her after my mentor. Tessy was my mother’s maiden. Despite being shunned by my mother, she still was my hero and I still wanted to have a piece of her with me. Mor; it meant Happiness in my local dialect. She had just spiced up my life this girl. I didn’t even expect it, life just happened and when it did, it brought her into my life. You know those surprise gifts you get and you think to yourself, ‘They must have a CCTV in my room.’? Well, that was Troian for me.
Sometimes when life happens, it does so for a reason. Accept what was termed as a mistake and make the best out of it. After all, we’re human; we’re bound to make mistakes!