Breaking the habits

Making friends had never been my strong suit. I just didn’t have it in me. And my parents did not just understand why. Probably because they are excellent at it. If given a chance, I’d probably have preferred solitude to a group of people.

Somewhere deep within me I craved true friends. Or rather a bff. The problem was I used to be antisocial. Proud of it? Naah. I always wished I could change. My mum would always quarrel me about it. She would be like, “Speak up girl. Talk to people. Find out how they are doing.” When she was around I’d try but it was so plastic. I mean anyone with eyes could tell how plastic it was. It was so hard for me especially with my little brother being the social guy with smiles all around.

I remember in high school I was a mathematics guru and everyone would be so awed by my prowess. I liked it actually and it seemed like it made me friends without even having to try by myself. Trust me when I say it was worth it when it lasted. Somewhere at the back of my mind I always knew that they were just my friends because of the glory and all but they weren’t true. It got so bad that I got to a point where my pocket money worked the magic for me. I’d buy them bread or crisps and share my snacks in an effort to keep them because somehow my fears told me they would leave if I had nothing to offer. It wasn’t easy. Sometimes I look back at me as a teenager and I wish I wasn’t so insecure.

Well, after high school I had lots of phone numbers from the ‘
lots’ of friends I’d made. I couldn’t wait to get home and hit them up. My parents didn’t think I needed a phone right away, for reasons the younger version of me never got to understand, so I didn’t get one until later. By the time I got a phone, most of those phone numbers weren’t working.  Surprisingly, it didn’t quite affect me. I settled back into the peace and quiet of solitude.

My eighteenth birthday quickly approached and my parents thought to throw me a big party. I was excited, I mean who doesn’t want a pretty party thrown for their eighteenth? Right? Well, reality settled in when I had to send out invites and I realised I didn’t have friends to send them to. Mum kept asking me who I’d invited and I just said a few people. You can guess that it wasn’t true. The D-day was here and guess what? If you haven’t been so lucky to guess right, lemme break it down for you. The attendants were my uncles and aunts, my parents’ close friends and the kids under my mum’s sponsorship programme. Ikr?!?

Now don’t get me wrong, they made my day a success and all but somehow at the back of my mind I would have wanted some of my friends to be present. It was at that moment that I realised being a maths guru and spending my father’s money on a bunch of classmates wasn’t really worth it. I had done it all wrong. I can tell you right now with no apology that I am in no sort of contact with most of my former classmates. Maybe just three or four who have stuck around and have proven to be true friends.

So what I’m I getting at here? I’m trying to tell you my dear reader that you don’t have to possess something to offer so that you can make friends. Friendships based on material things don’t even deserve to be termed as friendships. Takes me back to a time when I had to pay half fare for a friend to come visit me. Crazy, huh? I know! The word in your head right now could be desperado and I agree but you wouldn’t understand if you haven’t somehow gone through it. It would probably seem like a story but trust me, its real!

True friends are a blessing from above. The Almighty knows each of our needs and using the things He’s blessed us with as a sketchy shortcut to getting friends is just wrong. Over the years I’ve learnt that not everyone who walks into our lives with a smile and open arms is meant to stay. Sometimes God wants you to learn just one thing from the person and move on. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you are undeserving, No! He just wants you to be patient and say the right prayers. You’re probably thinking its weird to ask Him for trustworthy people in your life.

Well, let me be the first to inform you that its not. The scripture records that whatever we ask for in prayer and with a righteous heart, He is faithful to give us. It doesn’t matter what you need. My case was just an example. I needed to break the antisocial habit and I actually used my inability to make friends as a starting point. Guess what? The Lord has been faithful. I look back and I compare with now and I can’t help but be thankful. I’m not saying I have a truck full of friends, I’m simply saying that I’ve got my priorities straight and I’ve experienced a breakthrough.

Hey, I did it, who says you can’t too?;);)


2 thoughts on “Breaking the habits

  1. Judith ~ Praise

    I am so short of words right now.. Lots of memories flashed… I feel we have some things in common and I can totally relate with you… I realise on the long run that I don’t have to change who I am just because of the expectations of others… Thanks alot love for sharing… This should be fun

    Liked by 1 person

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