TIME

She pulled the end of her gown and her hand sunk inside. Gently, she wiped away her tears. It was like running water; the more she wiped them away, the more they poured. The noisy tractor on the farm muffled the sound of her cries. The setting sun kissed her face as the gentle wind swayed her gown. Little bumps formed on her thighs as it became colder. She ran her hand through her hair and turned her head towards the living room. She noticed the blood on the floor. Broken pieces of glass on the floor were stained with her blood. She didn’t feel the pain though. She couldn’t compare any amount of pain inflicted on her at that moment with the pain she felt within. She was bruised and broken. Her mind couldn’t completely register what had just happened to her. It was as if her whole life had been turned upside down and she just didn’t have a map or rather a guide on how to get back to wherever it is she knew as home. 

On her mind was the question, WHY? It didn’t matter what came after the why part of the question. All she wanted was reason. She wanted to be explained to, like a toddler for her own understanding. She wanted to get it clearly without having to doubt herself. 

Was it her fault? Was she pushy? Was she over reactive? Did she give away too much? Did she allow herself to be vulnerable? Was it because she kept so much to herself? Was it because she wasn’t good enough? Wasn’t she deserving of the best? Was she too needy?…. WHY?

She didn’t think she could ever survive it. She didn’t think her tears would ever dry. She couldn’t picture herself, even in her wildest dreams, smiling and laughing again. All she could see was a black halo hanging over her head carrying along sorrow, regret and sadness. Everyone kept telling her that time would heal. How could time heal something she didn’t even know how to explain? 

But, she believed! She waited on time. She clung to that hope even in the midst of dried blood and broken glass. She began imagining herself growing back into her free spirit. She could see herself shine brighter than a star. She saw herself rise like a phoenix from the ashes. 

No one tells you how much time you need to go through a dark cloud in your life. No one can even quantify it. All they can do is help you cling to that hope and push you towards greater things. They are never sure you’ll make it through but still their being there for you should be a reminder that people love you even at your lowest. They pray with you and take care of you. Time heals, however short or long it might take, it surely does! You’ll see:):)

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No longer a slave.😌

I’ve read so many heart breaking stories in my short life and the common thing about them is that at the end these subjects always have a breakthrough. When you’re reading these stories, there’s always this small voice at the back of your head that keeps screaming, ‘If I had to go through this I would handle it so well’. You would never say it out loud but its what is in your head. I admit that 90% of the time I just can’t help but feel this way. Its not until you experience it that you realise you are just as vulnerable as any human being on this damn planet.

I swore I’d never let myself be vulnerable for any reason. Believe me when I say I really tried. I calculated all my steps, counter checked all my words and apparently tried out this ‘keep calm’ thing. At the back of my mind I was proud of myself for not letting myself down. If you’ve already gotten the flow of this piece you’d agree with me when I say I was extremely careful.

It wasn’t until I realised that I was being too careful until it just felt like a lie and all I wanted was something real and tangible. I thought to myself, ‘ A little telling won’t really hurt’. So I started telling and I never stopped. Little did I know I made myself very vulnerable. The worst part is my story didn’t have a happy ending like all the others I had read.

Guess what? Gone are the days when people used to take advantage of your weakness and turn you against the very thing that makes you, YOU. My story didn’t have a happy ending so I just thought that maybe I could just turn my ending into my beginning and make me happy for once. Well, I turned out pretty amazing. I’ve gotten to a point where I’m so grateful to the people who made me question the beauty that is within me cause without them I sure wouldn’t be here today.

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So I’m pretty much here to bring to your attention that your story doesn’t have to end in tears and ‘I wish I knew’. It could as well be your ‘From grass to grace’ narrative in a couple of years. Believe me when I say, “Been there, done that!” and baby don’t I love me some good memories now! 😉😉😉