She pulled the end of her gown and her hand sunk inside. Gently, she wiped away her tears. It was like running water; the more she wiped them away, the more they poured. The noisy tractor on the farm muffled the sound of her cries. The setting sun kissed her face as the gentle wind swayed her gown. Little bumps formed on her thighs as it became colder. She ran her hand through her hair and turned her head towards the living room. She noticed the blood on the floor. Broken pieces of glass on the floor were stained with her blood. She didn’t feel the pain though. She couldn’t compare any amount of pain inflicted on her at that moment with the pain she felt within. She was bruised and broken. Her mind couldn’t completely register what had just happened to her. It was as if her whole life had been turned upside down and she just didn’t have a map or rather a guide on how to get back to wherever it is she knew as home.
On her mind was the question, WHY? It didn’t matter what came after the why part of the question. All she wanted was reason. She wanted to be explained to, like a toddler for her own understanding. She wanted to get it clearly without having to doubt herself.
Was it her fault? Was she pushy? Was she over reactive? Did she give away too much? Did she allow herself to be vulnerable? Was it because she kept so much to herself? Was it because she wasn’t good enough? Wasn’t she deserving of the best? Was she too needy?…. WHY?
She didn’t think she could ever survive it. She didn’t think her tears would ever dry. She couldn’t picture herself, even in her wildest dreams, smiling and laughing again. All she could see was a black halo hanging over her head carrying along sorrow, regret and sadness. Everyone kept telling her that time would heal. How could time heal something she didn’t even know how to explain?
But, she believed! She waited on time. She clung to that hope even in the midst of dried blood and broken glass. She began imagining herself growing back into her free spirit. She could see herself shine brighter than a star. She saw herself rise like a phoenix from the ashes.
No one tells you how much time you need to go through a dark cloud in your life. No one can even quantify it. All they can do is help you cling to that hope and push you towards greater things. They are never sure you’ll make it through but still their being there for you should be a reminder that people love you even at your lowest. They pray with you and take care of you. Time heals, however short or long it might take, it surely does! You’ll see:):)